CAROLYN'S STORY
What does freedom mean to you?
By definition Freedom means ‘the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hinderance or restraint.’ To me freedom does mean these things. To have no fear and be bold in life. To not live under the weight of the world or our physical ailments.
Why did you pursue the Women in Freedom Photoshoot?
I smiled when I read this question because I never envisioned myself being a part of such an incredible organization. What made me finally decide to be bold enough was seeing the photographs Kelsey would take of women in pure comfort, radiating in their own bodies and I desired to have that moment.
Share a bit about your personal story and where you are today. In what ways have you stepped into your freedom recently?
June 17, 2022 my colon ruptured. I was septic and in ICU for a week. I do not remember much of this moment but what I do remember is waking up and seeing my stomach looking like a railroad track with staples, having a colostomy bag, and having a tube through my nose into my stomach. I was in the hospital for two months, lost weight, and ended up losing all my hair.
The transition of being newly married, and then having a life changing surgery where my surgeon wasn’t even sure I would make it out okay was surreal. I didn’t want to die at first but then seeing my new reality, death seemed so much easier. Throughout the last year I have been able to process these emotions. It took 8-9 months of consistent therapy and support from my amazing husband, friends, and family to fully understand I am here for a purpose. I can live in freedom daily but I am taking each moment and cherishing it. I’m breathing in the fresh air, being in nature, being simply, and unapologetically me.
How has this experience shaped the way you see yourself?
At the end of the photo session it hit me. I could never see the pictures taken and I would have been happy. Being in the most beautiful environment, wearing a dress I was supposed to wear on my wedding day but couldn’t fit into, embracing the short hair, feeling beautiful and free to be who I am was liberating.
I saw one photo and could say for the first time since my surgery, “I am beautiful.” Not I feel beautiful, I look beautiful, no I AM beautiful. Beauty surrounds me and embodies who I am. Beauty isn’t merely on the outside but shines from within and I could see that radiance from the photos.
How has this life of freedom had a positive impact on you?
When you are burdened with a weight of fear or insecurity it trickles into every area of your life. Your marriage, your friendships, your work, everything you do gets beaten down because you become a slave to your own mind. Sometimes you don’t even realize youre doing this to yourself until that burden is lifted.
Living in freedom is a challenge that we wake up and choose to accept everyday. We were born to be free. Having embraced this new image of who I am as a child of God, as a beautiful woman, as an independent woman, has led to a stronger marriage. It has led me to be more intentional with my conversations and has shown me the true beauty of life.
What was the most meaningful aspect of this photoshoot to you?
All of it. Haha. I mean it though between the intentionality of the conversations leading up to the photos to the conversations happening after, it was all meaningful. I think it meant the world to me for Kelsey to hear my desires and what I envisioned (which wasn’t much.) I knew I wanted to be in nature. Kelsey went above and beyond to find a location that was perfect. She talked me through the poses and made me feel like a QUEEN. I left the photo shoot feeling invincible. That’s why the photos were minimal in that moment. I didn’t care about the photos because the whole shoot brought out a strength inside of me that I did not know I had.
How do you plan to hold onto this feeling of unique freedom?
Everytime i feel the sun shining on me, I’ll remember standing on the little bridge smiling and looking into the sky knowing I am alive, I am healing daily, I am beautiful, and I am FREE.
Anything else you'd like to share?
Words can’t express the gratitude I have for Kelsey and then for Melissa who did my hair and makeup. I am so grateful to have been a part of this experience. You are transforming the lives of so many women in our community. You are building confidence and rekindling the strength within ourselves that may have been out for a while. Thank you for everything you are and will continue to do. SO much love!
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